The Nature of Relationships from a Scientific Perspective
If you peek into your own relationship(s) or those of friends, you might also recognize that there are some differences in behavior depending on the duration of the relationship. And that many of them, unfortunately, do not have a happy ending, as reflected in a divorce rate > 50% of marriages in Western societies [1]. Within this article, we will take a closer look at the different phases of relationships, their neurobiological correlates, and key factors of fulfilling long-term relationships.
Phase 1: Falling in love
What is often referred to as the first phase of a relationship is a period characterized by high passion, a rapid rise in intimacy, and increased commitment [2]. Elevated cortisol levels help in overcoming initial neophobia [3] and make this phase a stressful period full of excitement and attachment. As serotonin levels are inversely correlated with those of corticosteroids, serotonin is depleted. Testosterone levels show a gender-specific difference at the beginning of a relationship as they are decreased in men but elevated in women [2]. Reduced activity in different brain areas is observable, for example in the frontal cortex, which explains why people who are in love are not able to judge their partner’s character honestly [4] (see also "Through Rose-Colored Glasses" on pp. 16). This phase usually lasts for half a year.
Phase 2: Passionate love
The second phase is a more settled phase dominated by feelings of safety, calmness, and balance that lasts several years. Passion remains high while intimacy and commitment rise. Testosterone, cortisol, and serotonin levels have returned to normal [2]. The key players of this phase are oxytocin and vasopressin as they are responsible for the formation of strong long-term pair-bonds [2] (see also 'Love is Chemistry', in this issue).
Phase 3: Companionate love
Over the years, intimacy and commitment grow, whereas passion decreases. Compassionate love is a “warm” love that is more similar to intimate friendship than to a couple in the first phase, where physical attraction and desire are more prominent [2]. The essential hormones are also oxytocin and vasopressin, restating and maintaining the pair-bond between a couple [5]. The transition from passionate to compassionate love is a critical point in the course of a relationship; when passion has decreased and intimacy is also low, commitment may be all that is left. This is referred to as “empty love” [6] and is usually not sufficient for the continuation of a relationship.
Breaking up
If a relationship comes to an end, it is usually experienced as an unpleasant event, with increased levels of stress hormones [2]. Recent studies of brain activity patterns found increased activity in areas active during choices for uncertain rewards and delayed responses, reflecting a common feeling of uncertainty about the future [7]. Rejected individuals showed a decreased activity in brain networks involved in the onset of major depression and also showed depressive symptoms, suggesting that the grieving period following a break up might be a major risk factor for clinical depression [8].
Triangular theory of love
Based on the aforementioned three components “intimacy”, “passion”, and “commitment”, Sternberg postulated the “triangular theory of love” in 2007. Basically, this theory correlates combinations and intensities of the distinct components with different experiences of love (see figure). He hypothesized that love progresses in predictable ways and that all couples experience love in the same patterns [6]. Also, a long-term relationship would be more likely to develop when more than one component is experienced. The complete form of love, also referred to as “consummate love”, thereby arises from a strong expression of all three components and is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple”. According to Sternberg, these couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they cannot imagine themselves happier over the long-term with anyone else, they overcome their difficulties gracefully, and each delights in the relationship with the other. A state that sounds desirable. But Sternberg also points out that maintaining this state is highly dependent on a successful translation of the components into action and that consummate love may not be permanent [6].
All in all, it seems that a fulfilling long-term relationship is not accomplished by just finding “the one”. It is rather a co-operation between two passionate and highly motivated partners working together. If this co-operation is based on trust and respect, if problems are solved diplomatically and if progress is evaluated from time to time, it can result in something really great and satisfying.
[1] Kalmijn, Popul Stud, 2007
[2] De Boer, Neuroscience, 2012
[3] Marazziti, Psycho Endo, 2004
[4] Volz, Curr Opin Neurol, 2006
[5] Starka, Prag Med Rep, 2007
[6] Sternberg, Triangulating Love,2007
[7] Fisher, J Neurophysiol, 2010
[8] Stoessel, Neuropsychobiology, 2011
by Betty Jurek, PhD Student AG Prüß
This article originally appeared 2014 in CNS Volume 7, Issue 2, Neuroscience of Love
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